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Damn, it's snowing,,, I hate the snow! I love the heat,,, I loved Hawaii, I wish I could afford to go back. Why didn't I pick him? Shit,,, I think of him everytime it snows. We'd be so much better off. He'd have taken care of my kids,,, I'd still be working at a good paying job, we wouldn't be moving constantly. He'd take me out, once in a while. Hell I haven't been out on a date in 4 years. I've had 4 jobs, and everytime I see his girls, I hate him, yet I love him. I broke it off. damn,, WHY???

Fucking snow! I hate the snow. The snow reminds me off him. Shit the snow makes me wet! Damn him. In Hawaii, you can make love on the beach, year round. Walk naked on the shore and go skinny dippin' all year. It was freezing when I told him that. I don't know why, but I needed to say things like that to him. I needed to tell him everything. He had that effect on me. 4 of my kids loved him. Why didn't I stay. Even my problem child acted better around him. He even got her to get a A on a test. I knew then that he could handle being with my 5 kids. Most guys run and hide. I get a quick fuck, and it cools my jets, for a little while, but it's always the same. 5 kids scares them away. Between us we have 8. Jesus,, 8 kids!!

I keep telling myself, he was just in the middle of his divorce. He was asking for custody. Unlike the other guys, he really wanted it. Seeing him with his girls, and I knew it was real. Seeing him with my kids, and I really knew it. Christ the snow is sticking to the grass ...

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