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Q. How long have you been publishing at ES?

A. Since November of 2011. I lost my job after 35 years with the same company. For the first time in my adult life, I got to sleep late every day, and my thought usually turned to erotic memories, and I decided to write them up and sent them in to the page. They seemed to be received fairly well, so I kept it up.

Q. What and when was the first story you published here?

A. "I wrote "Me and my roller girl" as a story about my first true love. I had to lie about the age thing, since I was 17 and my then-girlfriend was only 16. But it's a true story about coming of age, discovering things. Debbie was a total ingenue, and over the course of our year-long relationship we went from holding hands to everything else in the world. She nicknamed me "turkey butt," which is where I got my pen name. Her parents owned a local roller rink, and we spent 12 hours a day together. Her parents eventually figured out we were fucking, and they made her stay away from me. Pretty traumatic.

Q. How many stories have you published since then?

A. About a dozen or so stories. Some of them ran in strings, two- or three-parters. Some weren't linear, but could have been.

Q. What was your most recent one?

A. "Sherri cheats on Me," which is another true story. After Debbie and I broke up, I was kinda aimless for a year or two. Then I hooked up with Sherri, who was a little spitfire who was 19 but loved sex like she was a 17-year-old boy. Man, she loved to fuck. I had some sort of old-school notions, thinking that if I was gonna sleep with a chick that I owed her some sort of emotional commitment.

Sherri shredded that notion - we were put here on earth to have a good time, and to fuck everything you could fuck in the short time you're here. She taught me all about the clitoris and the G-spot, and how ass-fucking wasn't gross, but could be an awesome sexual release. But I still had possession issues, so we didn't last more than a long few months. But man, it was fun, furious, and instructional. Over the next year, I tracked down and fucked every girl I had ever fucked before, just to show them that I finally had it figured out.

Q. To begin with, what can you tell us about yourself? Three or four points that will help your fans get to know you a little better.

A. I'm a construction superintendent who went to school to be a reporter. As a child of the Watergate era, I thought being a reporter would help me save the world from crooked politicians. But the long hours and low pay sent me back to construction, where I flourished. I gave the best daily reports of anyone in the company, because I was a pretty good writer. Erotic Stories.com gave me an outlet where I could get back into story telling.

Q. Tell us about your first truly memorable and exciting erotic experience - who was it with, what did you think, what did you do?

A. I had a girlfriend in 6th grade nicknamed "Peanut" because she weighed only 4 pounds at birth - her mother, Gwen, had just turned 16, getting married at 15. We kissed and held hands, but no more. One night we were watching a Cubs game on TV - it was an away game, which was the only night games Chicago ever played back then.

Her mother came down the stairs, unaware that I was there. She was wearing a teal colored baby-doll nighty - completely see-through - with fur along the bottom edge. When I looked up, I was looking at a beautiful almost-naked 27-year-old woman with a set of 36-D knockers and a full hairy bush. Quite a sight for a 12-year-old boy.

She freaked out and ran back up the stairs, affording me my very first ass-shot. But at the top of the stairs she stopped and turned around, putting her hands on her hips, letting me drink in the view of a mature naked woman - her legs spread slightly, her pussy gently spread, her full tits pointing up like ski-jumps. She smiled at me and said, "Now you see what you'll get if you stick with Peanut." And then she turned away. Peanut was mortified. I had a hard-on for the next month. Peanut moved away for a few years, but moved back when I was a freshman in high school. We got back together and shared a lot of firsts in our sexual lives after that, fingering, licking, sucking. But we never fucked. Too bad.

Q. What do you look for in a lover... and what do you look for in a one-night stand?

A. I want someone who is patient enough to let me work them into a lather. It's sad when you get a chick who wants everything the way she always gets it. When you're taking your time building her up with your tongue and you get "the tap," as George referred to it, on Seinfeld - when the chick just wants you to fuck her and get it over with.

Q. What's the kinkiest thing you have ever done? And what did you think about it afterwards?

A. I once fucked by girlfriend Bobbie (now my wife) standing up against the kitchen sink while her father was watching Johnnie Carson on TV not 12 feet away from us. It was pretty fast and furious, I'll tell you. But Bobbie didn't want me going home with a hard-on and calling up some other chick - I understand her point. It was awesome. Bobbie could give a dog a bone, even now.

Q. What is the strangest place you have ever had sex?

A. In the Grand Canyon. Bobbie and I hiked it in 1983, and one of the five nights we were down there, we walked away from our tent after dark and fucked under a billion stars.

Q. Big tits or small? Legs or ass?

A. Itty bitty titties make the world go 'round. And a cantaloupe-sized ass is all that a man needs to be happy.

Q. Have you ever met a girl who couldn't fit your cock in her mouth? What did you do instead?

A. Nah, I'm pretty average. I had one chick that didn't want to suck it, so I teased her mercilessly - fingering and rubbing her, eventually licking and sucking her, but every time she got close to release, I'd lay off and tell her she had to beg to suck my dick before I'd get her off. At one point, she tried to push me away and rub herself over the edge, but I held her hands and she lost focus.

Finally - after about an hour of this, she was begging to suck my dick. She was stroking and sucking me while I fingered her and rubbed her clit. Man, when she went over the falls I thought she was going to bite my dick off. After her amazing orgasm, she wouldn't let me out of her mouth - she sucked my cock like it was a religion, until I finally spurted in the traditional "Catholic-girl swallow" mode, where she jerked me off and kept the head of my cock in her mouth, her tongue blocking any cum from actually going in there. But that's a fair trade, if a girl doesn't want to swallow, I'm cool with that. I eventually had to make her stop stroking it because it was starting to hurt.

Q. Tell us some of your sexual preferences.

A. Straight chicks who love oral sex - giving and getting.

Q. When you began writing erotic stories -and why?

A. I wrote some in college, but I couldn't sell any of them. Then I got a few published in Letters to Penthouse - ironically, the same month I got two jokes published in Readers' Digest. Talk about living in a parallel universe.

Q. What is it about writing erotica that you most enjoy?

A. Well, since most of my stories are true recollections, I just enjoy the memory tripping. A few of the stories are pure fantasy, but they're about women I actually know, and probably have real feeling for, so it's fun to twist the tales to a friendly finish. There's one character, Kristen, in my "Waitress" trilogy, that I see almost every day. If she knew what I've done to her in my stories, she'd either jump in my arms or get a restraining order!

Q. Does your partner or any of your friends know that you write? What do they think?

A. My wife of 30 years doesn't care - she won't read them because erotica isn't in her wheelhouse. She just insists that I don't use her real name. For the first five years we were dating, we had an open relationship. I was fucking anything that would stand still, or at least hold still long enough to get a dick in there... and I assume she was laying some pipe, too. At least I hope so. My best friend was fucking her before I was, and he reads all my stories. But I have to be careful, since his wife's one of my characters, too. Never had her in real life, though. (Damn.)

Q. What is your favorite category to write in, and why?

A. Straight hetero, first-time, adultery, one-on-one. Plain stories about plain horny people.

Q. How much of yourself do you include in your stories?

A. Tons of me in my stories. I tell the story from first person, and it's all me all the way. I don't bullshit or make myself into some hero stud... just a normal guy getting lucky once in a while and cashing in like a motherfucker when it starts to rain pussy...

Q. One thing that I love about ES is that you very quickly build up a community of fans, who enjoy writing to and hearing from their favorite authors. Have you ever gone further and started IMing, texting or even met any of your fans?

A. There's one other blog out there that I write for. Annie O. runs the blog, and she loves my stuff. I actually posted some nudie shots of Bobbie on her blog, but the name was changed. Annie is a sexual saint, and I love her blog.

Q. How do you feel when you receive negative comments or very low votes from readers?

A. Haven't had a lot of low marks, and the comments have always been encouraging. I answer every one.

Q. What do you think is the best story you have published here?

A. Probably "Lifeguard Girlfriend is just too friendly." It got a shit-ton of good responses. Art put it on his "best of" teaser on theHun.com and it got a bazillion views. It also is a true story, coming at the end of my tumultuous relationship with my little friend Sherri. She told me all along she didn't do faithful, and I just couldn't adjust - I wanted that pussy all for myself, and that wasn't gonna happen with her. So adios, amiga!

Q. Is there anything else you would like to say to the readers of this interview and your fans? Now is your chance...

A. Nah, just keep reading. I'll write some more next time I wake up after a horny dream.

Please read TURKEY BUTT's stories!

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