Q. First, tell us something about yourself, like name, age, and some other things we would like to know about you...Let's call it a short bio.
My name is Crown Prince Alphonso Delores Hogsbottom - Emptier of Rooms. I live in a Bluestone castle which is shrouded in a cloud of indifference and protected by a firewall of ignorance. My spouse is Lady Jester of Knickerbottom - Flouncer of Skirts. Our age is determined not by the passing of days, weeks and months, but by the patterns formed by the slow movement of a granite boulder being nudged by a glacier. (Ok so my name is Marcus and my wife is Sharon. I'm 49 she is 45. We have three kids, 19, 17 and 14. We live in a bluestone house in a picturesque village.)
To make our way financially we sell our souls to various governmental institutions looking for ways to spend the taxpayers hard earned crusts. She is in education and I do creative stuff with websites etc. Don't ask me about SQL, PHP or other smart stuff. I just like making pretty pictures.
Q. What are you wearing right now?
I'm wearing very thin. Wait. Are you trying to hit on me?
Q. What do you like the most about writing erotic stories?
Getting to do, in a literary sense, all the things that we would never do in real life. Being able to create characters that are relaxed in their sexual choices and empowered enough to follow them. In particular we like writing stories about couples that enjoy each other and the company of others. Although some stories are about deceit and and revenge, they are mostly about a couple or an individual that freely admits to having sexual desires that need more than one person to satisfy them. I enjoy developing the stories so that the situation is either truly believable but yet so outrageous that it can only be described as a stroke story.
Q. Does your spouse or significant other know you write, and if so, what does he/she think?
Lady Knickerbottom likes to write but only uses a quill dipped in organic squid ink sourced from a sustainable squid hatchery 30 kms off the Victorian coast. She uses ancient parchment and has the stories memorised by a crack team of idiots before the pages are burnt in a sacred urn. Needless to say, she doesn't get much written and I - Marcus - do 98.372% of the writing. She usually doesn't even read them as she is too busy flouncing her skirts.
Q. Is it difficult for you to keep your writing life separate from your professional life?
Writing is my professional life. I write all bloody day. But that writing is really boring crap about subjects like 'The effects of rising salinity levels on the 2009 - 2010 Canola harvest in Central West NSW' Which explains why I only write a few stories a year. On occasion I may write something like 'Rarely can one land manager solve a salinity problem. While sometimes causes and effects can be seen within a single farm; mostly the cause and effects cross property boundaries. Everyone can get their cocks out and fuck the landholder's wife.' Thankfully the editor usually picks it up.
Q. How did you come up with your ES nickname?
We emptied a scrabble set on the floor and then dragged a goat carcass through it before roasting it over the coals of a never ending fire. The remaining letters spelt 'ghqeetp' Which translated from the Himasa dialect of the Urdu language meaning 'Sound which Guinea Pig makes when stood on.' Actually we are a couple and we are frisky.
Q. What brought you to EroticStories.com? What made you want to stay and become a part of it?
ES is simply the greatest of all the dirty stories sites. The quality of the comments are superior to other sites and you also have some of the best videos and photos. It's easy to navigate and when I submit a story it appears very quickly. The lack of overt advertising also appeals. Is that sucky enough?
Q. What is your favorite part of your body? Why?
The big toe on my right foot bears a striking resemblance to former Prime Minister John Gorton. Every morning I say hello John but he is yet to answer.
Q. If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be and why?
My inability to make myself invisible. We would like to be better at maths and managing our finances. Being broke all the time is annoying. So if any rich people would like to send my a small fortune for absolutely no return it would be appreciated. We are both arty-literary types and the whole world of stocks - derivatives and such, are a complete mystery. But we still know enough to realise that those that are good at those kinds of things are boring sods and should be left to survive on an island.
Q. Boxers v Briefs? / Panties v Thong?
I hate boxers because I'm constantly tripping over my immense cock. Now here in Australia a 'Thong' is a style of footwear that others call 'Flip-flops or Jangles. A woman in panties is always better than a woman in thongs. Actually 'panties' is one of the sexiest words in the English language. Panties, panties, panties. G-Strings however should only be worn by those carry the correct weight for height ratio. So to be crude - Fat chicks shouldn't wear G-strings.
Q. What's the question you've always wanted to be asked, but have never been asked?
"Would you like a root?" I was asked this once in my life but that was at a horticultural course and my friend John was holding a Eucalypt Camendulensis root. For those nations where 'Root' is not a common term it means having a shag. No woman has ever walked up to me and simply said "Ya wanna fuck?" Unless of course it was followed by a request for money.
Q. What do you like the most about writing erotic stories?
Mostly I enjoy developing the situations that lead up to the sex scenes. Trying to develop a plot line that hasn't been written a thousand times before is the biggest challenge of them all. I actually find the sex scenes tiresome and try to keep them as short as possible. Long drawn out details about how someone's cock filled her pussy is just dull. This is why I'm now into collaborations where I write the non-sex scenes and someone else gets down and dirty. I enjoy writing dialogue and adding an Australian tone to the stories.
Q. How long have you been writing now? How did it all get started and what made you write your first story?
We wrote our first story after discovering that we enjoyed reading porn more than we liked watching it. Reading a story that is well written and realistic is far, far more exciting than just watching some babe getting hammered by a bunch of guys. Unfortunately though most of those stories we were reading were rubbish. The story lines are lame - 'No More POKER Game Stories OK!' - and poorly written. We wrote our first because we decided that you can't fairly criticise others without firstly putting yourself in their place.
Q. Which story is your personal favorite, the one you enjoyed writing the most, and/or the one holds the best memories or feelings for you?
I don't have a favourite anything. No food, wine, beer, band, sports club (other than St Kilda), car manufacturer or political party is a favourite, I'm a fickle prick. I have a few faves including 'Three gangbangs in one night.' because it was my first collaboration and the writing was so finely tuned. The 'Maria' stories are a definite favourite because they are true. 'On the rivers edge' because it was our first.
Q. Have you ever gotten so turned on while writing that you had to stop to masturbate? What story was it?
No. I never masturbate, God forbids it. Bloody hell I'm channelling a Christian and he's overtaken my body. Now he wants me to look up some crazy shit on one of the other sites so he can read it, whack off and then heap scorn in the comments box. Out damn Christian, out!
Cue mental image of middle age man being exorcised by Linda Blair.
Now that that is over...we only whack off to other peoples tales. We spend so long developing stories that by the time we get down to writing it we are well over it.
Q. Do you write from fantasy or true stories or a combination of both? Please explain or give an example.
All of our stories, with the exception of Maria, are fantasies based on very real situations. For example the pub in 'Three gangbangs' is based on a hotel in Newcastle called the Shortland Hotel. We heard stories about a gangbang there one night and so it became the first part of the story. 'Root's Motel' stories are based on a motel I worked in when I was in my twenties. Two birthdays is based on a boring party we went to in Springwood where the party next door was far better. Teacher's Beachside Gangbang wasSo in short all our stories are based around real places and situations, except the sex parts which are all fantasies.
Q. Are the characters in your story based on real people, did you make them up, or are they a combination of both?
Real people? Are there truly real people out there? I could have sworn that I was the only real person on the planet. Everyone else out there are just poseurs. The main protagonists in most of the stories are based on ourselves mixing with fictitious types. We don't write our friends into our stories, but sometimes our enemies. Yes you Stan, we're talking about you.
Q. What parts of "Yourself" do you put into your characters?
My general respect for people's choices, a sense of humour and of course, my dick.
Q. How long does it take for you to write a complete story? How does the process go?
It takes ages because I usually lose interest once the sex part starts. The process goes like this. 1. Get an idea while out and about. For example 'Amy and the Security Men' was written after I walked through Big W. 2. Formulate the plot when I should be working. 3. Begin writing using Wordpad or Notepad at work. 3. Accidently delete the fucking thing. 4. Get the shits. 5. Rewrite it in Zoho so I don't lose it.
Q. How do you come up with your story titles?
I keep it simple because the readers will judge what they are going to read by it. If it's about a orgy I make sure it's in the title. It's how newspapers title their stories.
Q. What is the hardest part of writing a story?
At the moment finding the desire to write detailed sex scenes. But once I've started it is sometimes difficult to stop. I keep thinking of new scenarios to get the characters in and I just need to STOP.
Q. Have you ever done research for a part of a story you didn't have any knowledge about or maybe for a sex scene?
I use the internet to check up on addresses and such, and steal dialogue from xxx videos, but that's about it. Everything else is based on real life.
Q. If a movie was ever made of one of your stories, which story would you want it to be, and who would play the lead characters?
Good question. I think I would use Orgy at Enigma House because of its wide variety of scenes and the orgy at the finish. So for the character of Kay I would use Meridian, a German pornstar that sadly has stopped working but really looked like she enjoys a gangbang/orgy. Emma would be played by Kasey Cox or Audrey Hollander and Mary Carter would be played by British Wendy. If you don't know who I'm talking about go to xvideos.com and type in 'British Wendy', and just so that I can bring hope to all the fat, ugly, balding, hairy backed men out there, I would have the character of Harry Norbett played by Ron Jeremy.
Q. (pure fantasy) If you had the chance to spend one night making mad passionate love to someone who would it be? Why them? And how do you think they would rate you as a lover?
Only one night - only one person? How cruel are you. But I would go back to my roots in porn and have a night with Tiny Tove or any other starlet from the glory days of Color Climax films. How would she rate me...I wouldn't care because most of those clips only run for five minutes and I reckon I could at least crack seven.
Q. Do you have any secret stories you don't want to publish for the public? Do you publish your stories on other sites besides EroticStories.com and if so, why? Have you ever been published on paper?
The only stories I've never written are the true ones about what Sharon and I have got up to. We don't write about them simply because, you wouldn't believe it, but we like to keep those things private and it just seems disrespectful to each other to write about, for instance , our first threesome without the others input. I get published on paper all the time, just not my porn stories.
Q. When you receive negative comments do you just ignore them, build from them, or let it put a negative image over the story itself, and let it hinder your writing?
I love negative comments. These guys, and they are overwhelmingly men, hate it when women have sex the way they'd like to. The anger of some men, more so on other sites, is sad and they just can't grasp the concept of fantasy. But in no way does it deter me from writing, in fact it encourages me to write endings, etc, that will upset them. It also encourages me if people write constructive comments about my poor syntax, dialogue, plot holes etc. I have no issue with bad comments.
Q. Do you also enjoy reading erotic stories? Which categories do you enjoy the most? Do you like true stories or fantasies?
Stories are my favourite form of porn. I have a rampant imagination and a well written story, with lots of dialogue and descriptive text, will always get the blood flowing. In particular a good group sex story, of course, that doesn't go on and on, will always go down well. But I do have a request to all authors out there. For fuck's sake stop writing 'Poke Her' stories. They are so, so boring. I care little if they are true or fiction.
Q. Do you vote on other author's stories? How do you decide what score to give when you do?
At my desk I have a ruler. I measure my erection and calibrate it against a chart on the wall. If it's six inches it gets a 1, if eight it gets a 2, if ten inches I'm hallucinating, if it hits me on the chin...I've fallen asleep.
Q. Do you send other author's comments or feedback on their stories?
Only on really, really good stories by new writers. I love to encourage new talent, especially females. I was so impressed by one author we collaborated on 'Three Gangbangs in One Night."
Q. Do you have a favorite author on ES? What makes them your favorite?
Q. Do you enjoy the visual side of erotica, as in porn movies or pictures? If so, do you have any favorites?
Yeah but only if the woman is enjoying herself. We love the old porn from the seventies, especially all that Swedish stuff from Color Climax - Rodox - Tabu etc. The people in it were all amateurs and were lining up to be in the movies. Their excitement is palpable and seeing the beginnings of the sexual revolution on screen takes some beating. Otherwise the work of German director Harry S Morgan, especially his teen work in the Lil' Women series, is unbeatable.
Q. Have you ever participated in erotic photography? If so, please tell us about it. If not, would you rather be the photographed or the photographer?
We have a few pictures of Mrs Friskee that I have taken but nothing you would call 'erotic'. They are pretty crap actually. I would rather like to be the director of a porn shoot using one of my stories as a plot. It would be like one of those Color Climax loops we love so much. Very few close ups, lots of full nudity, orgies, and people actually enjoying themselves rather than supporting a drug habit.
Q. What do you wear to bed?
I, the male, wears one of three black T-Shirts with either Chairman Mao, Che Guevara or Fidel Castro on it. I was given them as a gift from a commie mate and they make perfect sleepwear. I don't wear them out because after one wash they shrunk just a lttle too much. Cheap commie cotton. The good wife wears a variety of nightwear depending on the climate and the mood. Sometimes she sleeps nude but usually ends up with clothes on.
Q. Do your sex life and writing have any correlation with each other??
None. Well, not lately anyway. We have never had a GB or had wild parties but have had some swinging experiences. But as I mentioned earlier we like to keep these things private.
Q. How would you rate your willingness to try new things in bed?
Always willing but not always able. As the kids age they stay up later, have friends over, need picking up late or we have too much work to do and can't find the time or energy....sound familiar folks?
Q. Do you have any funny stories of has anything strange happened during sex that you would like to share with your readers.
Q. What do you think about solo sex?
There is no such thing. Solo sex is like solo tennis. It doesn't happen. It's called masturbation and we both enjoy a good rub and tug occassionally.
Q. What are your favourite; and least favourite positions?
Our favourite is the side by side or spoons position because it allows free use of our hands to enhance the sensory feelings. Our least favourite is probably the missionary because of the exact opposite reasons that are listed above. We have a substantial height difference and the lady friskee is quite small. Me I'm nearly 6'5". So some positions are just plain difficult.
Q. Do you believe in one night stands?
Never had them when I was young, don't have 'em now.
Q. What makes someone sexy to you?
For both of us anyone that is intelligent, has a sense of humour and whose political and social views are similar to ours will be in the running to be deemed sexy. Looks are important, a corpulent, sweating smelly man or woman just won't cut it I'm afraid.
Q. What is a major turn on for you during sex?
Dirty talk and lots of groaning. Lady Friskee gets off with the dirty talk despite saying it's tacky and unnecessary. She loves it when I'm rubbing her clit and say something like, "Suck that cock, lick, it, lick it." She usually orgasms well before me. But lots of touching and stroking during sex is fantastic.
Q. In bed or on the kitchen table?
In bed. The kids are likely to wander into the kitchen for a glass of water. Besides, the kitchen table has too many unpaid bills, unemptied shopping bags and the remnants of the nights Beef Ragu to be considered an hygenic or pleasurable option.
Q. What is your favourite or most memorable moment in bed?
Without a doubt our first threesome. It was on the fold out bed in the lounge, but it was still our most memorable night of all guns blazing, cock sucking, pussy licking hedonistic delight.
Q. Do you have any advice or tips on writing that you wish to share with any budding authors?
Just come up with an original storyline. It is bloody difficult but if you want to write a threesome story, try and base it on factual situations that you are familiar with and go from there. The old adage that you should write about what you know, is very, very true when it comes to erotic fiction. Also make sure you add some dialogue because page after page of descriptive text is boring and adding lines of dialogue will really add a dimension to your characters.
Q. Is there anything else you would like to say to the readers of this interview and your fans? Now is your chance...
If any Australian couples would like to come out to the Central West of NSW and meet us, please send us an email.
Be sure to read 'Three Gangbangs in One Night, The Orgy at Enigma House, Root's Motel series.'
Please read Friskee_cpl's stories!
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