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Australia, in comparison to the England at Christmas time, is rather unspectacular. All the same, Aussie end-of-year work parties still measure up, particularly because of our laid back (no, not lazy) attitude towards life. More to the point, it was at a Christmas bash that I met Jemma.

******

"Hey Ethan, hurry up dude, I need a piss" came the desperate cry from my housemate, Jeff.

Wrapping a towel around my lower half, I turned towards the door to find that Jeff had quietly snuck through the door and was already unzipping before my very eyes.

"Geez, can't you even wait until I turn my back before you flop out ole' Sgt. Sam?" I jokingly cried.

"Hey, it's not like you haven't seen the monster before!"

"Monster...Hah! You practising to be a comedian?"

Evidently, Jeff wasn't renowned for having the biggest schlong in the world and I don't mean to brag, but compared to me, Jeff just didn't measure up; pardon the pun. But I've definitely never had any ...

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