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Matt was a very young-looking fifty; no, I know everyone says that, but he really was. People he met professionally were always telling him that they wouldn't have guessed him for more than forty. He always won crummy prizes at carnivals at the "guess your age" booths. His hair was almost devoid of gray; his face displayed few wrinkles.

On the other hand, Matt frequently thought, what good did it do him? He was married, and planned to stay that way. Frankly, a few more gray hairs would have been an advantage in his practice. And lots of his contemporaries, even those with bald heads and sun-ruined faces, stayed in shape as trim and fit as Matt.

He was reading Playboy one evening--his wife actually subscribed, for the educational benefits to their teenage son--when he encountered the Playboy List of the Top 25 Party Schools. This particular feature rankled Matt, as did the frequent articles on "Girls of the SEC", or "Girls of the Big Ten." Matt's own college years had been sexually uneventful, as he spent most of them in the last years of all-male hell at a classy Eastern school. He was jealous as all hell of the girl-rich young men at college today.

And, as he studied the list of champion party schools, complete with juicy quotes from male undergraduates literally stunned by the flood of sex-crazed coeds surrounding them, he decided, like that character in that movie about the television network, that he was mad, and wasn't ...

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