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I received no messages from James in the two weeks after our encounter. It was good for me that he gave me some time to come to terms with my situation. I had to deal with the fact that I had gone outside my marriage for sexual gratification. I also had to deal with the fact that the gratification I sought was pretty much outside of what most consider normal.

Through it all ran the little scene of James telling me to come. The raw physical nature of where he had me when he said that was intoxicating...addicting. Turning myself over to James was the most thrilling and terrifying thing I had ever done. As much as I loved my husband, as much as I wanted to simply be "normal", I couldn't turn back now that I had sampled this darker side of me.

Over the two weeks following my exciting encounter, I came to grips with my desires. I told myself that I wouldn't let a confused society with roots buried in Calvinist and Puritan mores determine normal or acceptable for me. I alone would determine whether or not something was acceptable. I decided that it was time to experiment and stretch my erotic wings a bit. That was easy enough to say. It was going to be much harder to do.

I considered the thrill I had received from my experience with James. It was about becoming more by letting go...letting go of control, letting go of society's imposed rules, letting go of my self. When I ...

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