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I can't believe I wasted two damn years on Audrey. I mean sure, she is pretty, and smart. She got me through those math classes so I didn't flunk out, and now the colleges can't say they don't want me cause of my lousy grades. So OK, she was useful. But come-on. She doesn't put out. Two years, and I haven't got laid once. All the other guys get laid by their girlfriends, but not me. Hell, she won't even drink a beer. And she won't let me go to any of the good parties. Where's the fun in that?

And she keeps giving me all this shit about being nicer to her, like not yelling at her in public and putting her down and stuff. She even said she wanted to break up with me if I didn't straighten out, but I fixed her. I broke up with her. So there.

I'm the varsity quarterback. I went all-conference this year, and we will win the conference next fall. It's a lock. Then I'm gonna get a free ride to just about any college I want that's got a decent football team, and I figure I got a chance at the pros some day. I can have any girl around here I want. Why would I waste any more of my time with Audrey?

So anyway, there's this girl named Maggie. She's pretty much everything Audrey isn't. Maggie is about five foot two and a hunert and sixty pounds and she is a bunch of fun. She isn't much to look at. She's really kinda a pig. But she's got big tits. A lot of the guys call her ...

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