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Some idiot once said, "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade." Well, life has been giving me shit lately and I'm finding out that making shit sandwiches just doesn't cut it.

First, I lost my job. Another company bought out the company I work for and 150 of us were downsized. I found another job, but at half the pay and no benefits. Next, an uninsured drunk ran a red light and broadsided my car. Yeah, I've got insurance, but I've also got a thousand-dollar deductible. The washing machine broke down and the repairman told me it couldn't be fixed. It only cost me $75 for him to come to my home and tell me that. I went over to Sears to get a new one and was told my card was at its limit. The transmission in my wife's car is acting up. I checked the dipstick and the fluid smells burnt. I give it a week until the pump goes out or the converter comes apart. God knows what I'll do then. If all that ain't enough my wife of twelve years has decided that she needs to lose weight. After trying several diets to no effect she found some diet pills that seem to work for her. She has an exercise bike in the living room and she practically lives on the goddamn thing. You ever try to watch football with the whir whir of one of them things going on in the background? Wanda is losing weight, but the side effects of those pills are that she has lost all interest in sex. Like I said life is giving me nothing but shit.

I'm not used to going without sex. Me and Wanda been going at it like ...

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