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Once upon a Futon

My name is Peter Johnson. And no, my middle name is not Dick. It's Allen. I'd been divorced for three years, never had any kids. After the heartbreak of my failed marriage, I didn't care much about women and their needs, other than sexually. They were fun to fuck, but could not be trusted outside the bedroom. In had been my experience, once you've said ‘I do', they said ‘don't you dare' every chance they got. Wives changed into life-sucking leaches. I wasn't always so callous. In fact, I used to be a romantic fool. My ex-wife was to blame for all my hostility. She made me a bitter man.

One of my dating rules had always been: Don't screw where you work or where you live. Which meant I wouldn't date co-workers or women who lived in my apartment building, because when you break up, there's too much drama.

Love ‘em and leave ‘em. Words to live by.

I moved into a new apartment complex six weeks ago, because I broke my rule, and was banging the girl across the hall. Karen was gorgeous, and ten years younger. I couldn't resist. Who knew she'd make up with her jealous ex-boyfriend?

Recently, things have changed for me. After five months of torturous ...

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