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Dear Dirty Diary,

Four weeks had passed since Doug had come home from the hospital. He was still a little pale looking and complained of being cold all the time because of the blood thinners. The night before, he was detached and completely immersed in a Blue Jays baseball game. Early the following morning was gray and rainy and I was feeling quite sorry for myself. Like a fool looking for comfort, I went down into the den, popped in that Lisa Brokop "When I get to be you" CD into the stereo and cranked up the volume.

My thoughts were with Louise as I danced around to the first two songs, but then I heard those chirping crickets begin the third song. I heard that simple acoustic guitar riff begin and heard Lisa's haunting voice moan, "Single-sided conversations. Too much time spent all alone. Even though my heart is breaking, you don't even know!"

The reverberating thump of the bass drum resonated through my larynx and my eyes welled up with tears, preparing for what I knew was coming.

"Today I was thinking about us, what I'd do about you. I was lost in reflection, when I found the truth!" I shivered along to the chorus of, "Can't think of, one reason. Tried to find a way, to make this work. Through trying. And denying. Tired of pretending, I don't hurt." But when I tried to sing along with, "So I've been thinking, maybe my ...

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