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I know I'm not the only woman who does this. I sometimes go to gay clubs, partly because I get turned on watching hot boys make out, but mostly just to have a night out where guys aren't going to hit on me. I won't pretend to be modest: Guys think I've got a cute face, and I've got just that little bit of extra meat on my bones that makes me seem approachable. (Once I heard an old boyfriend's grandmother tell him, "Janna's got great hips for birthing," when she thought I wouldn't hear her.)

Last Friday, the plan didn't work as well as usual. A stylishly dressed guy introduced himself as Brendan and asked me to dance. No harm, I thought. He had his arms on my waist a couple times but never my ass. After a couple songs, we sat down and talked about other stuff. At the time it was hard to understand him over the crowd and the music, but eventually I asked him, "Are you here with someone?"

"No, I've got a lover, Ray, at home."

"How long have you been together?"

"We started going out last year, and we got an apartment together two months ago."

"Why isn't he here with you?"

...

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