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All of my life I've always felt a little overweight. Not a lot, but enough. As a teenager, even an extra ten pounds can seem like fifty, and I grew up extremely self conscious of my body. I was always convinced, from a very young age, that physically, I was not desirable. I was convinced that at best, I was adequate. All the correct parts, put together in the correct order, but not quite as good as the other girls.

While I was in high school I dated a few guys, but not very seriously. It seemed that the only thing the high school boys I knew were interested in was sex, and a very crude version of sex. The boys seemed very serious about wooing those girls who seemed to be so much more beautiful than I was. They seemed very course when it cam to me, so I didn't go out of my way to encourage them. My family became convinced that I was a "late bloomer" and I didn't go out of my way to dissuade them. At that point sex seemed very crude and overrated.

When I got to college, the boys seemed so much more interesting and I found that I was one of the girls who were sought after. It was a little overwhelming and I didn't know how to handle the attention. I didn't know anything about flirting, let alone about sex! I dated a few boys, but things went very slow and I soon gained a reputation for being very shy. Well, I was shy. I had a good idea what those boys wanted and they weren't going to get it from me. I was a good girl.

...

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