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I can't believe I'm smitten by her. Me, a thirtyish tenured professor of psychology at a prestigious liberal arts college—smitten—of all things, by a young counter girl just out of high school.

I took the damn trip to South Padre because my shrink continually bugged me to get away for a short vacation. She wanted to see how I'd function away from the protected world of academia, completely weaned from antidepressants. My emotions are a mixed bag so far, zooming through formidable highs and angst_filled lows. Beginning to fill that dreaded loss of control, I wanted a drink—and a girl.

Standing in front of a counter at a ritzy hotel smitten by a young child no more than a couple of years out of high school, my mind collapsed, wanting to find solace in a clear liquid, and her body. Jeez, I am old enough to be her mother. I would never have a chance at a girl like that. She must think I'm some ridiculous tourist too shallow to find her room.

"May I help you, Miss?" she asked in a raspy tone that sounded inviting. I couldn't find my voice and just stood there, staring like a completely hopeless idiot.

*****

I've always known I'm gay, but I locked my secrets away at a young age. ...

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