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Damned if... By Sven the Elder © 2001

Ever get the feeling you've just been stitched...?

It's an unhappy feeling especially when the person doing the stitching is your dearly beloved, your other half.

I lead a normal, easy going fairly blameless life these days. Ok - so Sven hasn't always been entirely good - but, if you pardon the vernacular, for most of the time I've been 'gooder' than most - or perhaps lucky and careful not to get caught too often. This time my protestations failed - miserably.

Maybe I ought to rewind a tad. My other half's niece had arrived to stay with us. Forget 15 year old nymphos, when you get to our age, think more like forty plus year old aging has-beens -except Sam wasn't. A has-been that is. Divorced yes, has-been no way. In fact that's really the problem. I trust the woman about as far as I can fling a grand piano. Which, with my back, is not a lot! Something was definitely not quite above board.

The object of my concern had arrived a couple of hours before, stiff and tired and manky after a rather long sojourn on the roads, through the summer holiday traffic to our neck of the woods. The travel difficulties keep most of our relatives away during the summer months - ...

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