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Several days after my eventful visit to the cemetery, God forgive me, I still couldn't believe: what I'd done, where I did it, who I did it with (I'm in no way racist), or that it was me, because that wasn't like me at all.

Up until then, I had only ever had sex with just one man; at a time, I mean. I tried reasoning it out, and the only thing I could come up with, to justify my having let two strange black guys fuck me stupid, was, not my missing David, but, being 23 and alone - almost single again - and one day wanting children, which I had planned to do with my now dead husband.

I'm a woman, in the prime of her sexual life, and I held up my marriage vows: ‘til death do you part,' why shouldn't I be allowed to get on with the rest of my life. I've done the mourning bit, to hell with it, something again inside me snapped.

‘God, I need to get out, get some fresh air, a drive around with the car roof down should hopefully clear my head,' I thought to myself.

Collecting my keys and again not bothering about what I was wearing, I went out, locked the front door behind me, got in my car (a cherry-red Merc), and drove off, activating the switch that retracts the soft top as I went.

...

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