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It's been over two months since Michelle left me. The ache in my heart hasn't let up even a tiny bit. I haven't heard a word from her. Is she happy? Does she miss me? I don't know how many times I've tried to call her, even dialed her cell phone, only to put it back in my pocket before having the courage to press send. I've never known what loneliness was until this happened.

I went home with Jacqui that first night. We slept together in her bed, but I couldn't make love with her. We held each other in our arms and I cried most of the night while Jacqui tried to comfort me. My loss was just too much to even contemplate. I couldn't believe this had happened to me. And it was my own fault! Six months ago Michelle and I were wonderfully married, one of the happiest couples on the face of the earth! Then, I wrote that damn story, the one about Michelle and Alec spending the night together in Kodiak. That would have been OK if only I hadn't shown it to her on New Years' Day. That's the night she told me about Mike, her sexy affair with him for four years while she went to college. Before then, I assumed Alec and I were her only sex partners ever.

I remember thinking after that, the thought growing in me like an unrestrained cancer, how sexy it would be for her to meet Mike again, to make love with him again, come home and tell me about it, about how good it was! Then, I kept pressing, wanting her to see him more and more, be with him, make love with him, fall so closely for him that ...

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