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Ash Whensday
Life came between us A jagged decisive cut Was it protection?
This is her "recovery" story. No, not from addiction...unless it's the addiction we all share. The unquenchable thirst for touch, for connection, for being known, for, as prosaic as it sounds...love.
The severance had just happened, yet she had held it together really well. For four full days. What else could she do, visiting a friend who just two years earlier had lost her only daughter and the anniversary just passed? She was present. And kind. And read an unfamiliar deck of Tarot cards, on request. But now... on the flight from Denver to her little airport, all that strength disappeared. She rarely ran into anyone she knew on these flights, but it wouldn't have mattered. She just...lost control. Tears poured down her face in sheets and her torso convulsed in her seat, but all silently. No one even noticed.
It was good that she had work to do. Lots of it. A class in the morning that was only half written and she'd gotten her students used to a nice big sheaf of papers with all kinds of information. She had to put her feelings aside and pull it together... again.
Scorpios were her Kryptonite, it seemed. She always tried to resist the invitation. Was it just hubris that always made her feel she could stand close to the fire and not be scarred by the spray of burning sparks, sent out in all directions? Or just her eternal optimism... The promise of depth that matched her own was always the irresistible seduction. The hardest part was always how long it took, how hard it was, to get their vibration out of her body. It was so tenacious...like a brand, a searing imprint on the inside. The tears came again as she remembered the feel of those soft, Earthy hands on her throat.
Adam had tried to warn her: "Guuuuuuuurl! You've got grief in that shoulder. Relationship grief. And it's really old. It's gotta come out and it won't be fun!" Thanks for that. Here she was, in her late sixties, and there was STILL shit to process! Goddammit! But better to be prepared, right?
Just a week after her clairvoyant friend had given her this unpleasant news, she "met" him online. "Oooh, attractive AND intriguing," she thought. And an entertaining wit. He presented himself as a more than adequate sparring partner, and a very promising lover... She should've known. The Universe always has given her very fast service whenever it came to growth. Once something was out in the open, she'd always be given the lesson almost immediately.
But as they continued to talk and titillate each other, their conversation growing more and more erotic, Adam's warning completely left her mind. She sent him erotic stories from decades earlier, he sent her his. Oh, what a rich, delight! She sent him more recent ones and was filled with inspiration to write more and more. They spoke french together! She was old enough to be cautious with her heart, but the optimism would not be contained. Could this be the man she had called in at the heights of her ritual orgasm? Screaming for delivery from solo play by a King? Pleading for a playmate that understood magic?
He had been on a trip while they were getting to know each other electronically. Electrically. It gave them ten days to tease each other without mercy. She ached with longing for him, and the little video he sent of his two thick fingers making the "come hither" motion did nothing to put out the fire. "...OOOOOOOOOooooooo... I want that inside me...," she thought. They stopped short of trading nudes, wanting to keep those discoveries for when they met in person. But when would that be??? They both traveled a lot for work, both being accomplished in their respective fields. And lived more than two hours apart. "Those are not insurmountable problems," she thought, and pushed the problem aside. Her mind was much more interested in the "mountable."
He got back home on Sunday, and as Monday was a holiday, he had the day off. He proposed driving over the mountain to take her to lunch. She
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