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It's fantastic, and I'm all plastic. You can comb my hair and play me anywhere..."

Ok, I blamed myself.

"It isn't your fault," H said.

"I know.

The red flags were there.

I mean, I shouldn't be surprised," I sighed. "Still, if I hadn't sent him that link, it wouldn't have triggered him."

"Maybe he wouldn't have come out so soon. If not now, it would have happened later anyway."

"But why me?" I couldn't stop pacing. I was in our bedroom again.

Grey walls with white doors.

Where most of my pics were taken and where our naughty sexy vids were, too.

When I stopped to think of H and I's secret lives, whom most of our neighbors and friends didn't know, it was still mind-boggling.

Most of my neighbors because the ones right next to us must know I liked sex.

There was a time every morning when they'd hear my voice shouting out in climax over our peaceful, quiet neighborhood. Probably in their heads, they must be thinking —"There she goes again."

"Because you put yourself out there as being open. You talk about sex the moment a guy starts a conversation. Most women won't talk about it at all," H said.

He was right.

It was my agenda to talk about sex. If I wanted to know someone quickly,I had to get down and dirty. Chatting, that is, not what you're thinking.

Lately, I felt I needed to defend myself. It seemed many guys were thinking I slept around a lot because I talked about sex. Yes, it is a major bias.

H and I were open, but I got the judgement, and he didn't.

Society was still unfair. Guys could sleep around and be seen as horny, but girls who did the same were sluts.

Several guys thought my body count was way up in the hundreds and were shocked when I corrected them that it was barely double-digit.

It wasn't my intention.

This journey of openness was meant to be freeing and not judging. I didn't want to hide who I was. I was proud to be a milf, a cougar, an Asian BBW whom men loved and wanted to bang.

Still, I didn't like that I was poised as a cheap lay by the men when I gave them an avenue to talk about their sexual desires and feelings.

Judgment was expected and given by the countless women who, if they found out what I did, would give.

The women and the puritanical men who believed they were holier than thou.

Someone said, "Ignore them. Those people are jerks. Stupid assholes who are not worth your time. Forget them."

It was meant as comfort and sweet of him to say that.

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