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Joel's story

Our sex life was good but not great. We had been married for 15 years (we were now in our mid-forties), and perhaps we had simply gotten too used to each other. When we should be entering a period in our lives when we could do all the things that we couldn't do when the children were home, we had actually throttled back. Maybe we were just getting old. I know things slow down when you get older. It's not that I want, or could stand, sex twice a day but I would like for it to set off some more fireworks that it was currently. Maybe I'm naïve.

I suppose the definition of "good but not great " sex deserves some explanation. We had sex two to three times per week and it was actually pretty good. The problem was that it was perfunctory and somewhat ritualistic. I had to make most of the first moves and while my wife never refused me and actually seemed to enjoy it once we got going, I always wondered if I didn't make the first move, how long would she wait? But, the biggest problem was lack of imagination and romance. It seems that we had a role reversal from the stereotype. I wanted more romance in our marriage. I cannot remember the time my wife walked up to me and caressed me or gave me a deep kiss. I guess I had backed off doing it also because I felt she didn't care for it. I know I am whining and I shouldn't; I had a great marriage and a good sex life - but I wanted more.

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