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Once upon a time, in a land not far from here, there lived a beautiful and terrible queen. Though technically only a consort, as her husband was the hereditary ruler, everyone knew that it was really she who wore the trousers. Quite literally, on most days, as her husband was forced to don a flower print sarong. They were very nice trousers though. Mostly black leather, and very sexy.

The queen was very beautiful, in an ice-cold sort of a way. She had a figure to die for, and many of her suitors had done just that. She had married the king for his title. She possessed formidable magical skills, having trained at the hands of the mighty wizard Won Ton Kenobi before turning to the darkly pigmented side. The queen was also insanely vain. She had created for herself a magic mirror, one that harnessed the processing power of a Cray supercomputer for the sole purpose of reporting who was the most beautiful woman in the kingdom. This struck many of her courtiers as overkill, though only the very unwise and soon to be dead actually spoke this thought aloud.

Every Monday, she would rise from her chamber and glide, dressed only in a filmy negligee that left little to the imagination, down to the room where the mirror was housed. Each time she would pose the same question:

"Mirror mirror on the wall Who is the sexiest of them all?"

...

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