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Once upon a time there lived a young man named Jack. Jack, although almost twenty, still lived at home with his mother. By virtue of being incredibly lazy, Jack was pretty much unemployable and relied totally on the support of his aging relative. His father had died of a broken heart when Jack was very young. To be precise, his heart was broken by a large and very pointy spear, at the end of which stood a ruthless and very angry ogre. The ogre then stole everything of value that the man possessed, leaving Jack and his mother virtually penniless.

They survived only by gradually auctioning off everything that they still owned on Fair-E-Bay.com, until all that remained was their ramshackle house and a large cow, whose milk, on the one occasion they'd tried it, had proved to be rancid and undrinkable. It had also taken quite a lot of effort on Jack's part to obtain. In fact, had they been a little cleverer, they'd have realised that the cow was in fact a prize-winning bull, which could have earned them thousands of pounds in breeding fees.

One day, when their supplies were at an all time low, Jack's mother bowed to the inevitable.

"Jack, that cow must go," she announced. "Its milk is no good, and all it does is eat the grass that could otherwise make a tasty and nutritious meal for you and I. Take it to the market and sell it for the best price you can get." ...

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