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For nine years I thought that Wilma and I had a good marriage. We seemed to be compatible in most areas, I liked everything she cooked (except her Tuna Casserole, but I ate it just to keep peace in the family), and we had a good sex life. I'd always heard that a good sex life was the key to a successful marriage and I believed it. I made damn sure that I took care of Wilma in that department, so it came as a shock to me one day when I came home and found Wilma gone. The note on the kitchen table was straight to the point:

"Dear Elrod, It pains me greatly to do what I am doing, but I have found someone else. You are a hard working man and a good provider and you are a kind and considerate man, but I have found some one who does for me thing one thing you never did - satisfy my sexual needs. Wilma

To say that I was confused would be an understatement. Not meet her sexual needs? That was just pure, unadulterated horseshit! I always made sure that Wilma and I made love every Tuesday night at 9p.m. and every Saturday at 8p.m. Regular as clockwork, she could always depend on me. And I know it was good sex because I always came. But that's not even the worst of it! Before I could recover from Wilma's note the phone rang - it was my Momma.

"Elrod, what's going on over there?"

"What do you mean Momma?" ...

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